TMNT fic/art: Nara Black Curse: Mirror's Shadow In My Skin
Fic/art: Nara Black - Sea of Lights
Title: Nara Black Curse: Mirror's Shadow In My Skin - Sea of Lights
Author: kc_anathema
Artist: crabapplered
Pairing: Leo/Don, Mikey/Raph Usagi/?

Part 4 -- Curse and Misfortune




The night before, Donatello had been on guard and clinging to shadows, and Leonardo woke up constantly, too nervous to sleep soundly. Usagi had been little better. Life as a wanderer meant frequent nights in empty temples or around campfires, usually with strangers who happened to travel the same road. Depending on his sixth sense to parse out the peasants from the bandits and assassins, Usagi was used to sleeping light. He kept his back to the wall and drowsed, opening his eyes at the smallest whisper of a chant, relieved that it was always just Donatello guiding Leonardo's body to heal itself.

Tonight, fortunately, with Leonardo awake and well, the tension in the shack faded and Donatello turned his attention to preparing himself for the coming battle. A dozen candles surrounded Donatello as he chanted, but the firelight only made the shadows on the sorcerer flicker with the mist. If Usagi squinted, he could make out the edges of something white on his shell, the hints of purple smoke on his skin, but Donatello never moved so that he could see it clearly.

Usagi eyed the shallow layer of mist covering the floor, called up by the sorcerer's magic. He wondered if the mist stopped at the walls or if the roads outside were covered as well. As long as he didn't hear or see anything skittering beneath the rolling waves of white vapor, he told himself not to panic. It wasn't easy. Magic always made his skin crawl.

White light from his little paper lantern kept the space in front of him lit, but it didn't make him feel any safer. Donatello's chants made the darkness tangible, as if Usagi could reach his hand out of the flickering light and come back with black ink on his fingertips. He didn't move his hand at all, frozen in place as he watched the sorcerer for any sudden movements. Donatello looked relaxed in the center of his circle, hands twisting into strange shapes as he channeled chi through himself, but Usagi kept his hands near his swords.

Beside Usagi, just out of arm's reach, Leonardo sat with his arms folded, legs crossed, eyes closed over his scarf. The bandage around his arm hung loose, ready to fall off. After waking up, the ninja had refused to allow Donatello to touch it. The skin looked healthy again, although Leonardo still tried not to use that arm, favoring his other instead.

Torn between trying to watch both of them, Usagi settled for keeping Leonardo in the corner of his eye, not only because he was deadly but also because he confused him. From what he'd seen, Leonardo cared deeply about his family, to the point of ordering his brother to escape and leave him behind. He was a ninja, all of whom were treacherous and deceitful, but he'd also warned Usagi before his shuriken sank into his face. And his eyes, whenever Usagi caught a glimpse of them, were open and honest.

With his head turned a few inches from Usagi, Leonardo kept his stare on the floor, refusing to move. If Usagi hadn't seen him wounded at Donatello's feet, he might have wondered if Leonardo cared at all about his brother. After waking up, Leonardo hadn't spoken at all, no word of thanks or question if Donatello was all right. His face showed no emotion, even though the sorcerer wore his feelings and watched with wide eyes when Leonardo sat with his back to the wall, his swords in his lap.

Usagi had to assume his presence had put Leonardo on edge. The young ninja's body looked taut, ready to fight, and he controlled his breathing as if keeping himself from reacting to the samurai. Usagi was sure the mask around his eyes hid black sleepless circles, and the embroidered dragon scarf covered any nervous twitch of his mouth.

Donatello paused in his chant long enough to glance at his brother, a small frown of disapproval formed and gone in an instant. Usagi followed the look back to Leonardo in time to see the gold eyes flicker and turn away from the sorcerer. Leonardo's fingertips went to the goddess engraved on his arm before he realized what he was doing and drew back as if burned. His gaze slid sideways just enough to tell that Usagi had noticed and snapped back to the ground again, and he adjusted slightly where he sat as if uncomfortable.

Was Leonardo afraid of him? No, or else he wouldn't sit so close, nor allow Usagi so close to Donatello. He had to be nervous, though. Regardless of poison, he'd lost the fight and would have lost both their lives if Donatello had been any less sincere with Usagi.

Usagi remembered the times he spent in the company of someone who'd bested him. He'd felt a little nervous, of course, sometimes wary, and if he thought back to his earliest fights, he remembered shame and embarrassment as well. But then he'd been a child--he stopped and considered that. He'd had a great master with him when he got into danger as a child. From Donatello's explanation, Leonardo was the master of this family.

"Please forgive me for asking this," he said softly, glancing at Leonardo. "But how old are you?"

Somehow Leonardo seemed to withdraw even further into himself. Usagi wondered if Leonardo would answer at all. To his surprise, not only did he answer, but he didn't try to embellish his answer or make himself seem older.

"Sixteen," Leonardo said. "Last month."

Sixteen wasn't very long ago for Usagi, but he winced to hear that much responsibility placed on someone so young. No wonder Leonardo looked like a bow drawn too tight and about to break.

"It must be difficult," Usagi said. "Living alone is hard enough, but to take care of your family as well, against a whole clan..."

"We'll survive," Leonardo said flatly, staring at nothing. "Karai--her anger makes her predictable."

Usagi wondered if he might learn something else about her, and he leaned a little closer as Leonardo's voice dropped low.

"You know her very well?"

"I did," Leonardo murmured.

"Your brother said you used to be friends," Usagi replied.

"More than friends." Leonardo's eyes turned distant, as if he could see the past. "We were to rule the clan together."

A moment passed before Usagi fully understood what Leonardo meant. Not just a friend, but his intended. An arranged marriage--to a woman who was now his enemy. And the glimpse of pain on Leonardo's face, fleeting but so striking that before Usagi could stop himself, he'd blurted out the question.

"Did you love her?"

Leonardo flinched, but any answer he would've made was cut off by the sound of the candles around Donatello suddenly sparking and hissing. Now wishing he hadn't followed them inside their home, Usagi pressed himself up against the wall and would have scooted back through the wood if it had been any less solid. The sorcerer glared at him over his shoulder, and the mist around him lashed and whirled around the floor.

"It's all right," Leonardo said, looking sideways at his brother.

"It's none of his--"

"If we're going to fight her, he should know."

Quiet and steady, Leonardo waited for Donatello to calm down. Although Donatello turned again and continued his chanting, his words remained clipped and terse for several seconds. The mist took longer to stop frothing like waves and settle along the floor. Leonardo watched him for a moment, then looked back to Usagi.

"If," Donatello cut him off, refusing to look at them, "you insist on talking about her, do it outside. I don't want to hear it."

With a silent nod, Leonardo rose to his feet and pushed the overhead door open. Grabbing his lantern, Usagi got to his feet, never taking his eyes off Donatello as he rushed up and out of the shack. He stopped at the far edge of the rooftop and watched Leonardo follow, only breathing out when the trapdoor fell shut again. Usagi began to wonder if Leonardo wasn't under a spell, too. The ninja walked across the wooden roof without a sound, stopping and scanning the shanty town to make sure they were alone.

As Leonardo turned, to Usagi's surprise, in the bright glow from the full moon he could now see the true extent of the turtle's tattoos. Lotus blossoms covered the back of his legs, from his calves to--Usagi drew in a quick breath. Guan Yin covered his arm, but on his shell stood the three remaining great bodhisattvas like a protective shield. They seemed to glow like the moon, beautiful but out of place on a lowly ninja's back. Usagi wondered if their brother Michelangelo also knew sorcery to make his work so striking.

"You're afraid of magic, samurai?" Leonardo asked. He kept out of sword's reach and stared at the stars.

"It isn't natural," Usagi said, refusing to answer the question directly. "Why toy with nature? People weren't meant to be so powerful."

"Powerful enough to lose to you," Leonardo replied. "Don't be afraid of him. He has a temper, but his magic isn't really suited to fighting."

"His water and stones hurt all the same," Usagi said. He stared at him, trying to find some hint of suspicion or fear. Leonardo's eyes were calm. "He really doesn't make you nervous?"

Leonardo half-smiled, but also didn't answer directly. "Like I said, he has a temper. And...Karai is a touchy subject."

"I am sorry if my questions offended you," Usagi said with a slight bow of his head.

"Don't' be." Leonardo sighed and stared at the moon. "It's a reminder, that's all. Any feeling I had for her is gone."

Hard to believe, but Usagi didn't challenge him. If Leonardo had only buried his feelings deep, then it would be cruel to force him to admit the truth. If Leonardo really felt nothing now, then it didn't matter.

"We always knew we would be married," Leonardo started. "It was arranged soon after we were born. We were raised together, played together--we were brought up to the sword together. We were so rarely apart."

He heaved a deep breath, controlling his voice before he continued. "Our father killed hers only a month before we were supposed to marry. We were practicing when we heard, and for a moment I saw it in her eyes...we both knew I had to choose, and choose right then."

"To stay or to leave with your family?" Usagi asked.

Leonardo nodded once. "I could have stayed. I could have redeemed my family's honor. With her father dead, she was our new clan leader. She needed me." His voice faltered. "Honor demanded I stay."

"But you didn't."

"No. I would have had to kill my own father to avenge Saki, and kill Tang Shen as well. And my brothers had already made their choice by defending them. I would have had to kill my whole family."

By the tone of Leonardo's voice, Usagi knew how impossible that was. And worse, he also heard the guilt that came from considering it, even for a moment. In that instant between clan and family, Leonardo had to have visualized killing Donatello, his father, everyone.

Karai had already lost her father. In her eyes, his choice should have been obvious.

"You must love your family very much," Usagi said. "To be forced to change alliances--that is a hard lesson to learn."

"I wish I'd learned it sooner." Leonardo didn't look away from the moon, preferring to look at Usagi as little as possible. It was easier to talk to a nameless, meaningless ronin than the samurai who'd treated him honorably, spared their lives, shrank from magic and now listened with a kind and curious ear. Leonardo almost laughed. In every way, Usagi was dangerous to him.

"Why sooner?" the samurai asked.

"I..." Leonardo took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. "I hesitated. When she chased us down, even after she slew my father and Tang Shen, I hesitated to kill her. She attacked, and my brother Raphael took the curse meant for me."

His voice grew softer, speaking more to himself. "It should be me trapped in that temple losing my soul."

"Is that why you are so driven to save him?" Usagi asked.

"He's my brother." From his tone, that was all the explanation needed.

Usagi tilted his head as he looked over him again. Wiry, more tense and suspicious than Donatello, more--he struggled for the right word and ultimately settled for worn. "Then that is why you are running yourself to exhaustion."

Leonardo didn't answer at first. He drew his scarf down, letting it fall down his shoulders and pool beside him. The breeze touched the ends of his mask.

"I envy you, ronin."

"Me?" Usagi frowned. "I have no home. I wander from town to town. Half the time I'm in some sort of trouble. It is not an enviable life."

"No family," Leonardo said softly. "No responsibilities except what you accept. No enemies except the ones you make."

Perhaps that looked like paradise to the young ninja, Usagi thought. No guilt. No father to force him to leave his clan. No family to take care of.

"Could you really give them up?" Usagi asked.

Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut and drew into himself. He didn't answer. Usagi had the feeling that he'd never allowed himself to even ask that question.

"It's normal to feel that way," Usagi said as if speaking to no one. "We cannot choose our families. The course fate sets for us is sometimes difficult to bear."

"Such is karma," Leonardo said.

"Mm." Usagi nodded once in agreement. "It is not a sin to think of how our life might be easier without its burdens."

"But they're my brothers," Leonardo whispered. "I shouldn't think of such things."

"Maybe not," Usagi said. "But have you abandoned them?"

A heartbeat. And then Leonardo's answer, soft and fierce and prophetic.

"Never."

Usagi smiled. "Then you have done your duty. And performed it more faithfully for feeling a little conflicted now and then."

Visibly considering that, after a moment Leonardo sighed and gave up dwelling on it for the night, instead staring at the city sprawled before them. Lanterns and bonfires danced all around them, sparkling in the breeze.

"You're a strange samurai," Leonardo said, "listening to the complaints of a ninja."

"You're a strange ninja," Usagi said, "trusting a poor, wandering ronin."

Leonardo half-smiled and didn't try to answer. Below them, Donatello's chanting matched the night's rhythm and Usagi noticed that the mist had indeed filled the streets below, disappearing in-between the shacks. He glanced sideways at Leonardo and found him watching the stars shimmering in the heat. The design on his shell caught Usagi's attention again and he studied it for a moment.

"Did it hurt?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Leonardo followed his gaze towards his back until he realized what Usagi meant. He half-smiled at Usagi, knowing the samurai's white fur would never be inked. "It hurt, yes. Not that bad, though."

Usagi wondered if he could get away with asking why the bodhisattvas and why lotus blossoms, pure from the muddy sins of the world they grew from, but he thought better of it.

Together they watched the city drowse through the night, a glowing companion to the moon and stars in a sea of lights keeping the darkness at bay.